I should have stayed
by mutsumi
Summary: AU Kenshin and Kaoru met a long time ago but he left. Now, years later, he's come back to find her.
1. Part One

**I should have stayed **

_Author's Notes:_ This would have been a one-shot but I can't write everything all at once. I'm having a bit of trouble so I'm going to do it in parts. At most, it's going to have three parts, I think. We'll see as I go along. But it won't be a chaptered fic. It would look it, though. And I'm being redundant.

The story is based loosely on a true-to-life one that I watched over on tv one night. It is set during the animé's time. I'm not quite sure how things were run under a Shogun's ruling, so what follows is basically patterned what was done here.

This is cross-posted at my GJ, and 30kisses.

_Disclaimers:_ I don't own any of the characters. It's Nobuhiro Watsuki's creations and I'm just borrowing. The themes from the LJ community 30kisses are: #1 - look over here; #3 - jolt!; #19 – red.

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He was a samurai. He was one of the numerous tools the government uses to uphold peace and order, and to control opposition. He was sent to one of the farming villages in Yamanashi to oversee that the Shogun's orders were being followed and to eliminate any citizen going against the current government.

It was there that he met her.

She was ordinary farmgirl. Industrious and productive. She was unnoticeable for the most part, if not for her fiery temper and ever-changing moods.

She was chastising a co-farmer, a man taller and obviously stronger than her, when he first took notice.

"Sano, you big oaf! Watch where you're going!" she was shouting, her finger jabbing the chest of that Sano as she looked up at him. "You almost trampled on my harvest!"

"Oi, Jou-chan, stop poking," Sano said, a grin flashing on his face and it was apparent that he was trying not to laugh.

"Mou!" she said, hitting the tall guy on his arm in which Sano finally burst out laughing, before turning around to gather the vegetables into a neat pile.

He was just watching from afar, doing his usual rounds, when he felt compelled to interfere.

"Is everything alright?" he asked politely when he reached them just as Sano began putting the vegetables into one of the big baskets behind him.

"Who's…" she started in an irritated voice as she straightened up to see who was interrupting her work. When she saw that it was _him_, her blue eyes widened in recognition of his position before she hastily bowed down and said, "Gomen-nasai!"

"Oro?" he uttered in confusion when she apologized.

That Sano laughed more and only tried to muffle his laughter when she glared at him.

"Gomen-nasai, danna-sama," Sano said to him, bowing and then flashing him an amused smile.

"Oro!" he uttered again as he looked at them back and forth. He hasn't really interacted with any of the workers, only observed them from a distance. He makes the necessary orders through his subordinates so he was a little surprised by their show of respect to him.

"Anou, you don't have to be so formal with me," he said with a wave of his hand to emphasize his point. And to further illustrate, he introduced himself. "Himura Kenshin desu. Dozo," he told them with a slight bow, and then looked at them expectantly.

"Sagara Sanosuke. Sano for short," the young man said, also bowing. He turned to look at his companion, who was openly staring and wasn't saying anything. So he elbowed her lightly. "Oi, Jou-chan. Your turn," he reminded her.

He smiled politely at her, urging her to introduce herself.

"Anou… Hajimemashite. Kamiya Kaoru desu. Dozo yoroshiku," she said hurriedly, as if she was trying to convey that she was listening and she wasn't gaping at Kenshin just moments ago. She just can't get past the fact that he has flaming red hair and that it was tied high up in a ponytail. That his eyes were the color of lilacs. That he's shorter than Sano but he possesses a commanding aura. That there's a cross-mark on his left cheek that enhanced his features. And that he _was_ handsome, not only from afar but more so up-close.

How could she miss someone with that shade of hair, anyway? He was always just watching, observing the peaceful and smooth flow of things. He has never issued an order directly to the villagers. It was always his right-hand man, Seta Soujirou, who would announce Kenshin's wishes, and the Shogun's too, if there was any.

So she was completely startled when _he_ approached then _and_ began talking to them, not even bother with the usage of titles.

"I saw the two of you arguing… Is there any problem?" he was asking them when she began listening again, looking at Sano and her alternately.

"Ano, Himura-sama," Kaoru started, but was interrupted with a, "Kenshin, please." She sighed. "Kenshin," she started again, a bit softly this time. "Sano here almost squashed the vegetables and I was just scolding him."

"Aa," he nodded.

"So, Kenshin-sama," Sano began, grinning when he was shot a disbelieving look by the person he was addressing. "How do you like our little village?" He was clearly already comfortable around the shorter but powerful man that he's starting to joke around. He didn't even wait for his answer as the taller man started gather Kaoru's harvest again to a big basket.

"It's peaceful and quiet," he answered as he observed the two working.

Another question, another answer, and soon, the three were talking in an easier manner. Although Kaoru still held back saying everything on her mind, it was the start of an unusual friendship.

They remained appearances, though. Kenshin rarely talks with them for more than five minutes after that when a lot of the other villagers were present or when his subordinates or superiors were in attendance. But before work is over, Kenshin would go ahead at a reasonable time before Kaoru and Sano, and then they'd all have dinner at Kaoru's home.

The first time he had a taste of Kaoru's cooking, he stared at his blackened rice, carefully placed some into his mouth, chewed a bit, stared at the rice again, then raised his eyes to Sano. To which, the taller man laughingly said, "You'll get used to it. I did!"

"Oi, Rooster-head!" Kaoru had growled and shot the young man a venomous glare. "Ne, Kenshin. Gomen. I try hard but they always end up like that," she explained helplessly to him as she pointed to the burned food on the table.

"Why don't you cook?" he turned to Sano again and he heard Kaoru snort.

Sano grinned. "Hers is _actually_ edible. As for mine…" He didn't continue and just grinned again as Kenshin smiled in understanding.

"I'll cook then," he told the two.

"No, Kenshin. I'll improve," Kaoru protested.

"Yes, Kenshin. She's bound to learn sooner or later," Sano agreed.

He just shook his head. "I insist."

* * *

_Last Notes:_ So, there's the first part. It leaves a lot of things hanging, I think. I'll try to write the next part quickly. But until then, I'll leave you with that. Ja! 


	2. Part Two

****

I should have stayed

Author's Notes: Whew! This is getting harder to write. This is very short but I wanted to show you that there _is_ progress. As I've said anyway, this is probably going to be in three parts. So, here's part two and the last part would be out when it's ready. hides under a table

Whew! This is getting harder to write. This is very short but I wanted to show you that there progress. As I've said anyway, this is probably going to be in three parts. So, here's part two and the last part would be out when it's ready. hides under a table 

This would be cross-posted at the 30kisses community over at LJ and at Rurouni Kenshin is Watsuki-sama's creation. I'm merely borrowing his characters for entertainment purposes.

30kisses themes used are: #4 – our distance and that person, #5 – "ano sa" ("hey, you know..."), and #15 – perfect blue.

* * *

****

Part Two

Weeks passed and they were seeing more of each other and less of Sano, as the latter was busy wooing the lady doctor at the end of the town named Megumi. And because no one was with them to continuously break the ice by cracking jokes and infuriating a certain tanuki, Kaoru and Kenshin slowly became closer and comfortable around each other. Especially Kaoru, who was now prone to hitting Kenshin when he does something _stupid_ and the samurai would only mutter _Gomen nasai_ and correct whatever it was that he did wrong.

It became inevitable then, that the two were bound to feel something deeper than friendship to each other. Kaoru began to have blushing attacks whenever Kenshin would accidentally (or was it intentionally) brush his fingers on her hand when he gives or accepts something, and when she catches herself being watched from afar. Kenshin, on the other hand, would start stammering whenever Kaoru starts focusing her eyes on him while he's saying something, and he'd start to stumble when she would grace him with a smile.

Tension was evident between the two when Sano began eating with them again. The taller man was the only one who was filling in the silence as they eat. Kaoru wasn't calling him rooster-head and he wasn't being whacked every other minute. Kenshin seemed only intent on focusing on his meal and finishing them. After several days of the same routine, Sano decided to ask.

"Did you two had a fight?" he asked, looking at Kaoru, then at Kenshin, and back to Kaoru who made a small noise. "So?" he prompted her.

""We... anou... we didn't have any fight," she said lamely, with a forced reassuring smile of sorts.

Unconvinced, Sano turned to Kenshin. "Is that true, Kenshin?"

Looking up from his bowl, the samurai answered softly, "Hai." But his eyes conveyed that the taller man ask no more questions or there'll be consequences.

But Sano paid no heed to the warning as he turned back to Kaoru. "Ne, Jou-chan, did you two hook up?"

That question made the person in question blush and Kenshin to choke on his food.

Glaring, Kaoru looked at the insistent guy. "Oi, Rooster-head, do you want me to cook for you?"

That made Sano pause in chewing and a grin from him answered her question.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Today was rest day for the week for all the farmers and other workers and Kaoru uses this day to clean the house, do the laundry, and practice kendo. She was humming to herself as she swept around the small backyard that she didn't notice somebody had arrived in her house. And that somebody watched her with a smile before disappearing inside the house, to reappear outside carrying all her dirty clothes.

She was methodically sweeping, walking backwards that she bumped into somebody with minimal impact. But it jolted her that she screamed and turned around to see startled violet eyes stare into her own blue eyes, before it widened and looked down. Following his gaze, she saw her clothes in a lump on the ground.

"Kenshin! What do you think you're going to do with my clothes!" she asked, forgetting that he scared her by sneaking behind her and just focusing on what the samurai intended to do with her clothes which he was now picking up.

Kenshin looked up to her stern face from his crouched position, pausing in picking up the clothes and answered, "Laundry?" in a way that sounded unsure yet still determined. He then continued gathering the clothes, looking back down that he didn't see blue eyes widen with disbelief and alarm.

"Kenshin!" Kaoru cried out, releasing her hold on the broom and hastily kneeling down, quickly collecting as much clothes as she can. "How can you even think that I'm going to let you wash any of my kimonos?" she grumbles, as she tugs hard at a yukata that she and the red-haired samurai reached at the same time. "I already let you cook since I obviously can't make a decent meal but I'm not incapable of doing the other chores," she continued, as she tried to get her garments from Kenshin's arms.

But he held onto them, not letting her get any. "But I want to help you," he reasoned out, reaching for the clothes she has managed to collect.

The tug of war continued, each trying his or her best to get a piece of clothing from the other.

"But you _are_ helping," she said, her mind focused on getting back her dirty clothes, not on what she's saying. "You're keeping the town in peace. You keep the thugs away. You prepare food for me, even if you didn't have to because you're the administrator here and I should be serving you meals, not the other way around. You don't abuse your power and do what's just. You're really kind and I like that about you. You have this calming voice and your eyes would flash an amber color when you're feeling some intense emotion... like right now," she trailed off, finally noticing that their "war" has ceased and her arms were full, and that he was just staring at her. She swallowed, vaguely remembering what she has said. "Ano sa..."

"Your eyes are blue... the perfect blue," he said softly as his right hand reached out to touch her cheek.

Her heart fluttered at his caress. "Kenshin..."

"Hai..."

He was leaning closer, his nose filled with the scent of jasmine. He could already feel her breath on his lips...

_

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Last Notes: So there. A cliffhanger of sort. Really short. Barely reached two pages. Oh, well._


	3. Part Three

****

I should have stayed

_Author's Notes:_ OMG! I finally did it! I finally finished this fic! YAY! I can't believe that I managed to write this as quick as I did. I mean, I did prolong writing this last part because I wasn't quite sure how to take it to the ending that I intended it to be. But to manage it in roughly four days? And like in HI, this is all written in the computer so there may be some grammatical and spelling errors. But yeah... I'm sooo happy. The ending's not quite though. I had a hard time typing out the last part because just thinking about it, it makes my heart break. –insert sad face- Well, I hope you like it, though.

This would be cross-posted at the 30kisses community at LJ and at mejitales.

_Disclaimers:_ RK characters are Watsuki-sama's creations. If I owned them... Well, I certainly wouldn't share Kenshin with you. XD Events are based on a real life story I watched over at a local channel here.

30kisses themes used are: #2 – news, letter; #8 – our own world; #24 – good night; #26 – if only I could make you mine.

**_

* * *

Part Three _**

"Oi, Jou-chan! Where are you?" a loud voice startled them both, causing for the clothes they had just gathered to be scattered on the ground again.

Kaoru giggled and Kenshin gave her a smile and shouted, "We're at the back!" before collecting the clothes once again.

He was helping her up with his free hand, her hand warm in his when Sanosuke appeared at the porch.

"Did I just interrupt something?" he asked them in an amused voice, a fishbone in his mouth while leaning against a post casually.

"Mou, Rooster-head! He was just helping me stand up," Kaoru yelled, already on her feet, and she threw her wooden slipper at the man. To which said rooster docked his head just in time.

"So, defensive, ne?" he said gleefully.

"Sano..." Kenshin warned the taller man.

Sano just grinned at the samurai. "So, what's for lunch?"

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

The sky glittered with the thousands of stars twinkling against the blackness of the night. The wind blew gently, ruffling the leaves of trees, making shuffling noises that broke the stillness of the evening.

Kenshin and Kaoru sat side by side at the latter's porch, her head resting on his left shoulder and his left hand wound across her back to rest at the floor, their right hands clasping each other. Both were content not to speak. Both just reveling in each other's presence, since it's the only time of day when they can be together without worrying about appearances and reputation. Even if the whole village wouldn't dare cross the samurai who oversees them, it was entirely different when it comes to the farmer-girl. Some would say she's lucky. Others would say she's an opportunist. Some would say finally, someone's going to take care of her now. Others would be envious. But all in all, disclosing their relationship outside the confines of Kaoru's house will bring ugly consequences to her.

It was good, then, that her neighbors haven't found anything to be of interest to them yet. With Kenshin's frequent visits before, they found nothing but friendship and companionship between them and Sanosuke. Even when the tall man had lessened his visits and stays at the house, they can't gather sufficient proof that the two were more than what they present to the world: close friends. Because it's quite understandable how that happened, as the samurai had begun talking to the villagers a few days after he had first approached Kaoru and Sano. And those late night visits? Why nobody makes anything out of it? Not many know that Kenshin can move so fast he appears in a blur, making it impossible to the casual observer to notice that he had just passed by them.

Right now though, the villagers' opinions on them were far away from their thoughts. Kenshin had learned earlier that he has been assigned temporarily to a new village, somewhere up north, until the shogun found someone to take over, and he doesn't know how long he has to stay there. He'll be leaving in three days and all that he knows was that ideally, he would be staying there for a minimum of two months.

Two long months on an unfamiliar ground, with comrades that he hasn't seen for years, and no Kaoru to hit him with her broomstick or bokken. His arm unconsciously wrapped around her waist, to which she answered with a kiss on his shoulder.

"Ne, Kenshin," Kaoru started, her left hand creeping over the edge of her yukata. "Why me?" she asked quietly, as her hand gripped the cloth.

"Hmmm?" he muttered, peering down to see her face. "What do you mean _why you_?"

She sighed, then removed her head from the redhead's shoulder and looked at him. "Of all the women here in the village, why did you like _me_? A girl... utterly unfeminine in many ways... someone who has no known skill in the kitchen... someone who constantly hits everyone who pisses her off... someone who-"

His forefinger over her lips cut off her tirade. "You just enumerated some of the reasons why I do..." Her eyes widened at this and he just smiled tenderly at her. "I just do, Kaoru. It's hard to completely list the rationalizations of why I found you attractive or why I feel the way I do. Not just because your hair feels like silk when I touch it," and he did, his left hand freed her hair from its ribbon. "Or because your skin looks and feels like milk..." His right hand coming up to caress her cheek. "Or the way your eyes darken into an endless pool of dark blue... And your lips..." He leaned close to her and let his lips graze Kaoru's, his eyes never leaving hers, allowing him to see the emotions flicker in her eyes, before dipping his head and capturing her lips in a kiss.

A kiss so sweet. A kiss that held promise. A kiss that told everything. A kiss that turned passionate and demanding.

And Kaoru gave in, letting Kenshin take care of her.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Later that night, as they huddled together on the porch wrapped by thick blankets, Kaoru can't help but feel herself tear up at the thought of Kenshin leaving. For the past months that they've been friends and then something more, she had grown dependent on him. Because for years, she only had herself to depend on, and then Sano came, who treated her as she imagined an older brother would. She finally had someone she could call family. Someone she could bicker with, someone who she could bully and bully her back, someone she could take out her frustrations on... But most importantly, someone to talk to, someone to look out for her... and someone to depend on no matter what.

Then Kenshin came and her world shifted again. But this time, she didn't see him as a brother. She saw him as... someone who would take care of her. Someone she could share her hopes and dreams with. Someone she could stare at for hours and not get tired of it. Someone she could spend long nights talking to or even just quietly spend time with. Someone who...

Someone she could spend the rest of her life with.

And she almost did start to spend it with him. Kenshin had asked for her hand in marriage a week ago and she had agreed happily. But he had to go and inform his superiors and get their approval first before they could proceed with the wedding. He had been positive that they would give their consent easily with no hesitations. But he came back early that morning with an inscrutable face. And he refused to talk about what happened until he snapped and he told her in biting words that they were not given permission and that if they dared continue their _insanity_, they and the whole village will be given grave consequences. Hearing those words... she fled outside, tears streaming down on her face, not heeding Kenshin's call to come back. She ran and ran, until she felt as if all her strength were suddenly snatched out from her and she fell to her knees, her body shaking violently as she bent down and cried.

Kenshin had found her about two minutes later and he had to stop and stare before he remembered why she was there and why he followed her. There, on the riverbank, she was sitting on her knees, her hands covering her face as her body shook with racking sobs... and she was surrounded by hundreds of fireflies. A full minute passed before he moved, scooped her up, then carried her back to the house, where she continued to weep against his chest. He stroked her back, soothing her, calming her down. It was all he could do to keep from breaking down himself. He needed to be the stronger one between the two of them for she has been brave long enough on her own.

And that had led her to question him, long after he had calmed her down and soothed her tears. Which led to them becoming closer and discovering each other's body. He shouldn't have allowed it to happen, though, much as he wanted it too. It's just that when he leaves, who knows when he'll be back. And he can't have Kaoru thinking that he just took advantage of her.

He sighed, quietly wrapping his arms more securely around her. "I love you. Always remember that. Whatever happens, I love you." He kissed her forehead tenderly, tightening his hold on her when he felt her shiver. "I'll come back. No matter how long it would take but I will." It's a promise that he would keep.

She nodded. "I'll be waiting for you." And she will.

The next two days went by in a blur as they tried to spend every moment with each other. There were stolen glances, touches... And they spent the nights in each other's arms.

When the day Kenshin has to leave came, he woke up early, earlier than his usual waking up time, and slipped away from Kaoru's arms, careful not to disturb her from her sleep. He stared at her sleeping form, memorizing the way her eyelashes fanned on her cheeks, the way her lips parted, the way her chest rose and fell with each breath, the way her hand clutched at the sheets... Sighing, he turned away from her and quietly gathered his things. All set, he moved to her form, brushed away her bangs and kissed her on her forehead. Quietly still, he went out of the room after taking one last, long glance at her, and slid the shoji door shut.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Kenshin wandered along the streets, so familiar yet so very different. Thirty-five years... Thirty-five long years he has been away from this little town. Thirty-five long years he has not seen her... Nor heard anything from her. Thirty. Five. Long. Years.

Where he spent five years of it married to a woman named Tomoe. Who somehow reminded him of Kaoru because of her long raven hair. But constantly reminded him that it wasn't so because Tomoe was timid while Kaoru was not.

Where he spent thirty years dreaming of a woman he left. Whose eyes were like the deep ocean. Whose locks were as dark as the night. Whose laughter can light up the whole room.

And he came back to where he met her, thirty-five years later, looking for her. With the hope that he could at least have a glimpse of her. It wouldn't matter if she had decided to marry. Just seeing her, how she was, if she was happy, was enough for him. He just had to know. He just had to see her.

Turning around the corner, he stood looking for something that would clue him in on the location of her house. He walked slowly, looking at every gate he passed, until he saw it: a battered wooden tablet whose carving was undecipherable. But he's sure that _that_ was the one he was looking for. Stopping in front of the gate, he pulled the rope attached to the bell and waited. A minute later, a young girl opened the door and looked at him curiously.

"Ohayou!" he greeted the girl. "Is there a Kamiya Kaoru here?"

The girl shook her head. "No."

Hope deflating from his chest, he asked another one. "How about Sagara Sanosuke?"

"Um..." the girl looked thoughtful until an older woman rushed from the house. "Suzume! What are you- Oh! Ohayou! Are you looking for someone?"

"Hai. Do you know anyone named Kamiya Kaoru? She used to live here," Kenshin said.

"Kamiya? No. I'm sorry. When we bought this house, the owner was a Myojin," the woman answered.

"Aa. How about a Sagara Sanosuke?"

The woman tilted her head to the side. "I know someone with that surname but he's not a Sanosuke."

"Do you know where he lives? He might know Sano."

The woman looked at him, measuring his intentions. "Why are you looking for these people, anyway?"

"I... I knew them way back. But I lost touch with them when I moved to another place," he offered as an explanation.

Nodding, the woman stepped a little from the gate and pointed to the street ahead. "His name is Aoki Sagara and he lives on the third apartment after you turn left at the end of this street."

He looked to where she pointed then he bowed to her. "Arigatou gozaimasu."

He met Aoki and he was surprised to find out that he's the son of Sano and that lady doctor Megumi. They did end up together after all. But both his parents were dead and he hasn't heard of any Kamiya Kaoru mentioned while they were still alive.

Not giving up, he started knocking on doors, asking if they knew of Kaoru, or any Kamiya at all. But they all answered in the negative. He went around like that for three days. He almost thought he was getting near to finding her but it was all a hoax, the villagers were getting wary of his questions. The woman who answered his knock was younger than he imagined Kaoru would be and her eyes were turquoise, not blue.

Still with hope in his heart that he would find her, he placed an ad at a national paper, with the instruction that if the woman he was looking for happens to read it, she can find him all afternoon, for the next five days, in the river bank of a farming village in Yamanashi. And for five afternoons he waited. But she didn't come. There were those who came, yes, but all were just curious.

The fifth day came, and still no sign of Kaoru. Kenshin had long resolved that if she didn't show up, it was either she forgot about him or worse, she was already dead. The afternoon seemed to drag on and there were no more onlookers bothering to look or stare at the lone man on the riverbank.

The sky turned orange and then it was already night. Kenshin let out a long-suffering sigh. She wasn't coming and he has to return to Kyoto the next day. Unmoving, he stayed where he was and let himself get immersed in his memories of roosters, tanukis, bokkens, blackened rice, laundry, blue eyes, long black hair, soft lips, smooth cheeks... And then he suddenly jerked awake, feeling something passed through him. He opened his eyes and looked around but he saw nothing. Nobody was there. A tear fell down from his eyes. He was never going to see her again.

Slowly, he stood up and brushed the dust off his pants. With one last look at the riverbank, he realized that he was surrounded by hundreds of fireflies. He shuddered as he suppressed his urge to cry.

He shouldn't have heeded his orders and just faced the consequences.

He shouldn't have left her here.

He should have...

He walked swiftly, away from the river. He couldn't bear the regret that was starting to build up inside of him. And as he passed what used to be Kaoru's house, he thought he saw her shadow there. But when he took a closer look, it was only a tree.

And as he walked away from this town forever, one thought kept on running in his head.

_I should have stayed._

_Owari_

_

* * *

Last Notes: _All done. Please leave a review and tell me what you think. 

And... Thanks for reading!


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